Finalllllly Up and Running Again

So...after going 3 months w/o cable and internet we're finally up and running again. I'm super pumped b/c I can finally get some personal business taken care of (okay really...maybe business is the wrong word to use...play is more like it...mostly playing...work on stuff that I can't do at work...upload pics., facebook, research, blog, etc:) Let me just tell you, my roommates and I have been jumping thru hoops the past 3mos. trying to get Charter to fix our phone, cable, internet...basically our lifeline to the outside world. We've all spoken to multiple people, Charter came out more than 3 times...not to mention the times they were suppose to come and never showed...leaving me waiting. I know your thinking...why didn't you take care of it 3 mos. ago...b/c it's hard w/ so many people involved and repeats, etc...so I was trying to be patient and understanding...which I feel like I really was considerate and very patient prob. too much so. BUT yesterday I just snapped...it had become re-dunk-culous. Don't want to go into all this too much b/c it literally could be a post worth on it's own...you have no clue...that bad...BUT I finally took charge, got over being polite and nice, and called this past Sat. and spoke with the higher ups. Said a bunch but the basics were such, "I don't care what you have to do, but you will come out and fix our problem today." I was tough. No worries, didn't want to hurt my witness to whoever I was talking to/felt sorry for the poor soul that had to take that call BUT I made sure to express my many thoughts/feelings and stand up for us...pretty sure this won't happen again. I really think a few of the people thought 3 sweet, young girls... we can take advantage of...think again!!! Wahoo... woman hear me roar, hahah, totally j/k, but seriously pretty sure they won't mess w/ us again! Ahhh...told you I could just get going on this- k, I'm stopping...obviously Charter has really gotten to me.

Change of subject/moving on: Shockingly, I'm normally all a/b disconnecting-just live life! It's vital to disconnect...we weren't meant to be always hooked up to the world. Though I am a big advocate for communicating and utilizing these technology tools. It's important to be relational and to be connected with people, but nothing takes the place of face time! Phone calls, texting, emails, blogs, g-chat, twitting, etc...whatever it was meant to enhance our communication skills which it has, but it's also taken away from us too! I think it's important and healthy and also very unlikely in the world we live in today: to unplug. You have to really make sure you take time just to BE STILL (sometimes those are the moments we grow the most in...when we stop keeping up and running. With just touching the surface of that a little bit...in a nutshell...it's good to have a balance. All that being said I was mainly frustrated with our internet not working for the mere fact that I finally wanted to blog and couldn't...frustrating! Isn't it funny? The things we miss the most are many times the things we expect to miss the least (isn't it true...esp. in relationships)? So I'm just excited to blog. I have a lot racing around in my mind, and I'm looking forward to getting some of it out on a page. Sometimes it will be funny, serious, random, heartfelt, my deepest thoughts, things I've learned, dreams, heartaches, etc...so just get ready. This is a journey we're about to embark!

Please be in prayer for me too- I've experienced a lot of hurt in my 25 yrs. of living which sometimes can make me a little reserved & to myself (fearful...the enemy tries to use that to tie me up). I hesitate sharing and can put up walls only letting a select few know me, and they still don't know all of me b/c i don't even:) Either way normally they have to pass a few "tests" some of which I'm aware and some of which I am still unaware. Sounds horrible doesn't it...I test people...just fear:( I'm only beginning to see these tests, etc. the more I grow and get to know who I am). The rest see only what I show- certain little parts of me. Sadly, I've really just noticed this a/b myself recently...really stood out vividly in one relationship particularly...with someone that I knew, loved, and invested in so much for the past 2 years. Someone who I hoped knew and loved me (should've at least known me)...come to find out they didn't know me at all (after spending much quality time together)...breaks my heart he didn't even begin to scratch the surface...and I guess didn't want to...though prob. would say he knows me well...I didn't realize the full extent of this reality till a recent conversation (hate feeling so misrepresented/misunderstood)...not trying to go deep in that it could be a novel, but all of that said...I've learned a little more a/b myself. I don't really let people in till they prove themselves (which is good and bad)! In this case he didn't scale the walls of my heart to see what was inside (just stood down below thinking he could see every block and crack and crevasse and really assess if it was worth the climb (if I was worth it)...making the wrong judgement call never to try and climb...little did he know the view and life from the top was so much better then the view from where he stood). I guess some of that is my fault too for putting up too many walls/tests, but i want someone who is going to fight for my heart and me...don't want it to be easy b/c I'm not easy... I want someone I can trust...someone who's not just going to bail...someone who will stick it out for the bad and really take in and love the good and amazing times! Hahhh...that should be it's own post...I could type alot. All that said...I have many layers...some things will surprise you.

The thought of being so real and vulnerable anywhere even on a blog scares me a bit, but I feel like the Lord wants to use me in this way too. I know the Lord has and will use this to glorify Him- I just have to be transparent and real. Pray for the Lord's protection b/c the enemy really grades on my mind and many times uses fear with me (I'm hoping to not think a/b people reading or not and just be me...real and honest...though sometimes that vulnerability scares me). This is just another tool that can help me (and others) grow to the woman (people) the Lord has called me (us) to be by becoming more balanced spiritually, emotionally, physically, intellectually. Lord, please take any fears of being vulnerable and getting hurt again away (any hurt is worth taking for Your Kingdom- if it will minister and love people and show them You). Help me to be transparent and let my words minister by letting someone know that someone else has been there too (relate...destroying the enemy's plan for us to feel isolated and alone), uplift spirits by laughing, bring joy by reading Your word or praising You, or just using whatever however You see fit. I am Your vessel! Amen. This really is a journey-glad your joining me:)